Latest Scans~News to Celebrate

Hurrah! The treatment is working! All you need to see is in the yellow circles, the glowing white areas are the tumors. The image on the right is when I was first scanned on October 27,2020 compared to the image to the left which was taken January 12, 2021 just last week.  The chemo-cocktail appears to be a good match for the tumors and they are disappearing. 

 

Current Scan on Left: 1/12/2021    Original Scan on Right: 10/27/2020

This makes the journey ahead all worthwhile, I actually have hope that I will be part of that 30% ‘cure-rate’. Fingers, toes and fins are crossed! 

We have enjoyed our respite of hiking around Palo Alto and exploring the campus but now it is time to return to our nest for the next 6 weeks. 

 

The next leg of this journey, aka the chemo+radiation marathon begins on Tuesday January 26th. I am sure it will feel interminable at times but the knowledge that the treatment is working and that there is a finish line on March 8 makes it all possible. 

 

Both Janet and I are ready to dive in and swim our way through as the cancer dissolves in our wake. 

 

Keep this image of us in your minds and hearts.

Hair Today ~ Gone Tomorrow ...Managing Side Effects

Each part of this journey is opening the path to the next adventure or challenge. 

I’m realizing that the most important part of this entire journey is not the cancer but how I approach each phase or aspect of it. It’s about being true to myself every step of the way and recognizing choices as opportunities for empowerment. If I listen to the cues that are whispering inside of me I have valuable opportunities on this cancer journey. 

My current creative challenge now is staying ahead of ‘side effects’. They range from overwhelming tsunami’s to just huge crushing ‘Jaws’ waves. I am learning to either dive under the wave if possible or stay on the crest of the wave ahead of the crushing white water that follows. I also know that even the best swimmer cannot always survive without the aid of a jet ski or helicopter, i.e. drugs and advice from doctors and nurses! Toughing it out with Tylenol when a tsunami is barreling down is only foolish pride and guaranteed extended pain. 

So, what to do with piercing headaches, nausea, racing electrical currents, crippling constipation, rapid hair loss, numbing foot neuralgia, bruised veins in my arms, etc. First I focus on being aware of their approaching magnitude and velocity and then chart a course. It’s all in the timing. Quick, take the ‘antidote’ drugs ahead of the crush or is this one that I can handle some other way. Walking helped the foot neuralgia and the exercise also helped move the chemical cocktail pulsing trough me and out the door. Having a port placed in my chest to save my arms and calm my anxiety. 

Hair loss is not the result of all chemotherapy but in my case, it is. Being blessed with a very thick head of hair revealed some interesting choices and challenges. 

I was fascinated by the initial density of hair that showed up on my brush or fingers, not to mention the shower floor (I devised a special grill over the drain to save the plumbing!). 

 

Fascination then turned to fun with the portable vacuum which created perfect soft white birds’ nests. While visiting our dear friends Laura and Amy in Point Reyes I discovered a fairyland of beautiful scenic choices on their property for my hair-nests. 

  

I plan to return them in spring for any enterprising bird who might want an insta-nest. 

 

Staying in front of the wave of hair everywhere was fun thus far and a short haircut to reduce my shedding mess was a relief.  While I was having so much fun I didn’t notice the wave was quickening under me as the rapid hair loss continued and my scalp was shining through. 

Suddenly I was looking at the reflection of my dying father from 30 years ago in the final stages of his cancer. Crushing memories gazed back at me each morning as I gazed in the mirror. I couldn’t escape my face or his. I was tumbling in the whitewater of grief, fear and loss. This morning with Janet’s loving help I was able to once again say goodbye to my father and regain sight of myself and my journey. 

As Janet shaved my head I could feel her loving hands guide me back up into clear water well ahead of the crumbling wave. I'm back and ready for whatever comes next.

                  

Stanford Medical- Mele Kalikimaka

As happens on journeys things can change direction at the last moment and flexibility has always served us well. Our plan to enjoy a few weeks of getting to know our surroundings and have some fun shifted to immediately starting a round chemotherapy upon the advice of our oncology team.  This is an 'extra' chemo round while I am waiting for the radiation treatments to begin mid-January. The doctors are hoping that a strong course of chemo while I am fit and strong will reduce the tumors before the main treatments begin.

I now look at this ‘bonus’ course as training for the marathon that will be ahead of us when the next rounds begin. *swimming metaphor, I am not jumping into that freezing pool with the Amazon women of Stanford* 

My super charged 'bonus' round punched a wallop but I am happy to report ‘all things considered’ I have weathered it very well.  Now I will have about 3 weeks to rebuild and be more prepared for what lies ahead.

We always prepare before a hurricane hits and I felt strong but definitely scared as this one approached. I knew I would feel bad physically but it didn’t occur to me that there would be a big psychological and emotional component to it. Breathing and meditating to help stabilize underlying fears of mortality as they edged their way to the forefront were completely dashed once the fluids started coursing through my veins. I believe that the much-needed steroids pushed me over the edge, my mind went haywire with uncontrollable racing thoughts, my body felt like constant ‘static-electricity’ all the while the tears never ceased to flow. Alas, now that the steroids are through my system I feel 'back' and myself again and am breathing with ease with no more static-electricity.

 

Whew, 3 consecutive days of chemo and 3 more of mania and I’m back. I have 3 weeks to train for the next rounds and this time I will know what is coming, we can do this. I say we because it is not just Janet and I on this journey, we both feel everyone holding and supporting us during this time, every one of you is helping Janet and I through this marathon.    

Here are 2 screen shots of scans showing my tumors before any treatments had begun. You can also see how cancer is navigated during Covid via tele-med. It's wonderful because both Janet and I can be together safe and sound in the comfort of our own temporary nest during each appointment.  Treatments are different, I must go alone. They allowed Janet to accompany me for the first treatment only. 

The Cancer center is very quiet and peaceful with only patients and medical staff and exquisite artwork everywhere, I feel completely supported at Stanford and am so happy to be here.

So let's all join in a toast to say good riddance to this miserable year! I with a laxative and Janet with a sedative to a new year of world health, high hopes, renewed vigor and a breath of fresh air in the White House!